sure feels shit.

my last night in sydney.

i'm sure it happens to everyone..well almost. the missing part...

i'm leaving sydney..maybe for good this time.

even things that i have not appreciated..it's beginning to hit me that i'd be back in malaysia for almost forever...

i wish i had abit more time but that's what i'll always say...

i haven't explored enough...

i never did made full use of the useless hours i had here just to go abit futher.

to really feel the australian heart.

no more little walks with baby. malaysian weather just dont allow you to..i'll spray!

no more exploring suburbs using all sorts of transportation...in malaysia is just our cars...

shopping here..though expensive but is just as satisfying enough..i dont have ppl wearing the same pieces all the time like in malaysia!



after japan i think i really need a long bloody break just to chill..

a beachy holiday with uncle chio..

just perfect;)

the last weekend.

saturday.

off to glebe market. with uncle chio.

the first time.

potential stuff to be bought but given my current financial status.....it is unfortunate that i cannot be the owner of those nice things.

the market was super compact-ed. every inch confirm got shop wan.

too pricey for market standards.

my evening was to musashi for miss shannel's birthday.

sunday.

i went shopping! with uncle chio again.

went to general pants and came out 250 poorer......

i'm the proud owner of a pair of nudie skinny and a chanel strap belt:)

lovin' it.

believe or not for the first time in so many months me and chio finally had the time to go dating on a weekend..

and it must be the last weekend for us in sydney.

i enjoyed today.

minus the complaining from mr. whitechick.

max brennar was super awesome.

i have to have like a few more shots before i head back home.

i'll be missing sydney:(

finally hit me that i will be going back for good.

shito desu....

nice knowing you:)

sexy.

hot.

erotic.

orgasmic.

pretty.

annoying.

gay.

girlish.

egoist.

awesomeness.

my everything...shio:)

i'm back.

had a short roadtrip and totally loving it.

went to jamberoo, an hour and the half from sydney.

awesomeness:)

be heading home soonish.

sad that i might be leaving aussie land for good.

into the drama world of malaysia.

sigh.

been spending lots and lots of cash.

guess going back i must be daddy's good girl again.

liz's birthday was just a couple of days ago.

so happy birthday girl again!

love you to bits.

i'll be seeing you very soon:)

i finally finished my first and last paper today.

yippee!

and yesh my eye bags resembles hamburgers now...i've been awake since 3 in the morning!

too bad i couldn't really teman angku:(

i miss his fuck face. i miss his lame jokes. i miss his presence. i miss him just entertaining.

:(

my plans from today onwards is jaga strawberries.

be a good girl friend.

club like shit.

pack my stuff.

get my jap visa done.

shopping.

shpping.

more shopping...

and yeah not forgetting...to plan the boat trip:)

so much that i want to leave.

i hate it cause everyone in melb is coming over for hols.

you guys didn't even bother waiting for me to at least finish my exam first :(

my one and only paper is friday.

i hate studying and this paper involves alot of writing, thus more stress.

but after this paper i am finally free from books:)

and it might oni take me a while to miss uni again.

i hate studying i noe but for the past 3 years i made uni life a habit.

i dont attend much classes but i just..um..sort of enjoyed the stress and the workload unconsciously? lols.

i complain alot because i do everything last minute and yes i hate studying.

but in a blink of both eyes, i'm finally done.

no more unis :(

a love story.

some pictures i like.

but i will still have to improvise on the angles.

it's quite there but not there yet...

i cant help but have to put in the shot with shio.

we have a love story to tell too ;)

i just came back from hallow party.

it's early but clubbing is a no no tonight.

i'm an angel.

forgot to take the angelic me before i hit the party.

lols.

my room is as messy as ever.

so is my life.

i wish things would happen to be as i have visioned life would.

sigh.

my cousin's here in sydney for the weekend.

i has been a long time since our last pillow talk.

she falls asleep half way of the conversation as usual ;)

talking to her made me come up with a plan.

here it is:

i want to be a good girlfriend.

at least even when shio breaks up with me he'd remember me.

not as the messy hot tempered girl friend but as someone who would be remembered for the right thing.

no more saying because of mike i cannot do this for my next boyfren anymore and blah blah....

no more of that. i must act like a girlfriend who gives a shit..

not a girlfriend who noes how to whine. whine. and whine.

and i found my audrey hepburn dress already!

went to the surburb with cousy and the dress caused her bloody 109 aussie.

suck blood!

but i like it:)

i miss malaysian food.

will be back in less than two months time.

i feel gloomy. cause i'm leaving sydney:(

it might be for good. 70 percento sure about it.

should i continue studying masters? just to get a pr?

but why continue studying when business anyway is not my field of interest.

so why study for the sake of studying.

i am sure there are other ways of staying.

maybe i have been away from home for too long.

always felt most people back home are just superficial.

am thankful to have avoided much drama and gossips for the past 2 years and the half.

people here dont care if i am wearing pyjamas or putting enough make up to make myself a pretty face.

people here care about your personality.

that's the real thing. they are friends with you not just cause you're a pretty face or miss popular.

people are friends with you because of you.

going back home would be burying myself again in all this rubbish people.

i just feel....maybe aussie might be a better place after all.

how can i express love when i dont feel at the utmost contentment.

i have neglected my blog for way too long.

i've learnt alot in the whole 22 years of my life.

from crawling. walking. running. jumping.

what's next?

life is short and sometimes i am just tired to follow a pace i cannot keep up.

yes life is short i know.

but in life it is good to take things one at a time.

i just satisfy the needs of everyone beside me all except myself.

i need to really chill out and really do what i really love doing.

i hate being peer pressured all the time.

i'm trying my best not to fall in that genre.

i really want the original me.

i have had my clothes on for many years now.

covering the real me.

and from now on,

it's time to just get naked and unveil the one inside.

why depend on someone when i am capable of doing things myself.

it's a choice that i can make.

after all i am a big girl now.

everything these days are just too complicated.

now i understand why adults are hardly contented.

and the worst part is..

never had i have such a big argument.

super full of emotions.

yet i cannot express myself.

i know what my heart wants and feel..

but to be bombarded with questions and answers that suggest otherwise...

it really got me thinking..

am i just stirring things up for fucks?

there is indeed nothing to argue about. so why argue in the first place?

not understanding the problem is a big thing.

there is no solution...

he say he is happy in this relationship.

i say i am not.

how now?

you're the only reason i'm hanging on.

i'm tired of trying.

i'm afraid of what awaits us in the few months time.

happy:)

monday was one of my best days.

just as i was feeling gloomy a few days ago,

just monday. made up for all that i have been missing.

all thanks to baby.

the flowers at floriade.

they were beautiful. but some dead cannot tahan hujan.

it was a long time since i felt like a little kid again.

no big decisions to make.

no burdens or must dos.

went there partly for my assignment but it was all good.

it was only me. chio. my cameras. and flowers.

beautiful is the only word to describe.

typing this is making me smile too:)

what a retard i noe...

movie review. again.

humming.

it's a korean movie.

i cried like fuck.

here's the story.

guy and girl had this long term relationship.

boy got tired. but girl was still as loving as ever.

boy wanted to stay away from girl.

not until she got into a serious accident.

boy realised he cannot live without her.

realised how much she meant.

so so sad :(:(

Definitely, Maybe.

an american one.

by ryan reynolds.

awesomeness.

it's a single father who has raised this little girl.

and was in the midst of a divorce.

little girl started to question about his love life before marriage.

she described it in a way where he changes the names of his lovers and the little girl is to guess who is the one the daddy's really in loved with.

very nice:)

rainy day's here again.

rain rain go away.

dont come again until at least wednesday?

:)

baby and i.

so much that i want to still be with him.

i just feel like ending things.

maybe i'm just thinking too much.

or maybe cause my expectations are just too high off bar.

if it's not for the love i would have left.

have i turned demanding?

in times like this i really dont know who to turn to anymore.

i dont want my friends to listen.

it's the same old thing.

i'm a big girl now.

and i should know what to do.

one minute he drugs me with ecstasy..

another minute he'd let me down so deep underground.

am i just being too selfish?

i cant continue feeling ups and downs, hiccups here and there.

why be with someone when you're forcing things.

lucky there is still hope.

it's all because...

i love you.

i wont give up, probably stay.

but please. please.

i want a sunny day.

not a rainy day.

so home....

my parents left for melbourne this morning :(

almost teared when i took the taxi back to white chick's place.

times with my parents were awesome.

and it got me time to think about my relationship too.

i just realised i cannot really live without shio.

well just as much as i enjoy being with my parents..

i was crazily thinking bout my baby..ALL THE TIME!

and i really think that i should start acting like a lady and be a very good girlfriend.

we're going for the floriade festival in canberra on friday.

triple :):):)

everything is just too clear now.

i know it is a bit weird.

but whatever my sister's friend said, she had all the answers circled.

10/10.

she said:

1. you have many friends. but you have problem trusting. you you'd rather have one or two to keep.

2. you have a boyfriend. he's given you a ring. but you choose not to get married. cause you dont think it's the right one?

3. shopping is your companion. money is the source. spend drift!

4. people just fall for you because of your eyes. your eyes speaks.

5. some secrets of yours are to be buried. away from your boyfriend especially. it was a bad past and you don't wish to turn back. fear he might not accept.

6. why worry in the future when more money would flow in.

7. you have good intentions in you. shouldn't you just loosen up abit?

8. your parents love you. and they're the best you can ever have.

my sister's friend could tell me all this just by looking at my features and my drawing.

a few days ago i was just blogging about how i felt about the boyfren.

i am abit scared now.

i am not ready for a lot of things.

and beginning to doubt if i should still continue.

i cannot live without him. just yet.

but something just feels so wrong.

perfect but not yet.

but he is a god damn refined man.

i mean which boyfriend would do laundry for you.

which boyfriend would cook for you.

and..and..clean your messy room.

and dry your hair for you.

and pays everything for you.

and wash the dishes.

they were all my duties but i just couldn't be bothered.

i want to be the princess.

and no guy should treat me lower.

and after thinking, it's not him who is the problem.

it is..me.

and yet i still find reasons to pick up a fight.

it makes him tired. and i am too.

he even told me:

' my ambition is not to become a househusband'

in times like this, i just feel like i don't have anyone to turn to.

it's really the obvious that it's my own bloody problem.

maybe i'm just to egoistic.

or a stuck up...

or too demanding..

sigh...

what should i do?

my first ray ban:)

every album must be associated with max's. i am coco addict.

she looks so cute here ;)



what a retard.


tourists take picture like this.