my cousin's here in sydney for the weekend.

i has been a long time since our last pillow talk.

she falls asleep half way of the conversation as usual ;)

talking to her made me come up with a plan.

here it is:

i want to be a good girlfriend.

at least even when shio breaks up with me he'd remember me.

not as the messy hot tempered girl friend but as someone who would be remembered for the right thing.

no more saying because of mike i cannot do this for my next boyfren anymore and blah blah....

no more of that. i must act like a girlfriend who gives a shit..

not a girlfriend who noes how to whine. whine. and whine.

and i found my audrey hepburn dress already!

went to the surburb with cousy and the dress caused her bloody 109 aussie.

suck blood!

but i like it:)

i miss malaysian food.

will be back in less than two months time.

i feel gloomy. cause i'm leaving sydney:(

it might be for good. 70 percento sure about it.

should i continue studying masters? just to get a pr?

but why continue studying when business anyway is not my field of interest.

so why study for the sake of studying.

i am sure there are other ways of staying.

maybe i have been away from home for too long.

always felt most people back home are just superficial.

am thankful to have avoided much drama and gossips for the past 2 years and the half.

people here dont care if i am wearing pyjamas or putting enough make up to make myself a pretty face.

people here care about your personality.

that's the real thing. they are friends with you not just cause you're a pretty face or miss popular.

people are friends with you because of you.

going back home would be burying myself again in all this rubbish people.

i just feel....maybe aussie might be a better place after all.

how can i express love when i dont feel at the utmost contentment.

i have neglected my blog for way too long.

i've learnt alot in the whole 22 years of my life.

from crawling. walking. running. jumping.

what's next?

life is short and sometimes i am just tired to follow a pace i cannot keep up.

yes life is short i know.

but in life it is good to take things one at a time.

i just satisfy the needs of everyone beside me all except myself.

i need to really chill out and really do what i really love doing.

i hate being peer pressured all the time.

i'm trying my best not to fall in that genre.

i really want the original me.

i have had my clothes on for many years now.

covering the real me.

and from now on,

it's time to just get naked and unveil the one inside.

why depend on someone when i am capable of doing things myself.

it's a choice that i can make.

after all i am a big girl now.

everything these days are just too complicated.

now i understand why adults are hardly contented.

and the worst part is..

never had i have such a big argument.

super full of emotions.

yet i cannot express myself.

i know what my heart wants and feel..

but to be bombarded with questions and answers that suggest otherwise...

it really got me thinking..

am i just stirring things up for fucks?

there is indeed nothing to argue about. so why argue in the first place?

not understanding the problem is a big thing.

there is no solution...

he say he is happy in this relationship.

i say i am not.

how now?

you're the only reason i'm hanging on.

i'm tired of trying.

i'm afraid of what awaits us in the few months time.

happy:)

monday was one of my best days.

just as i was feeling gloomy a few days ago,

just monday. made up for all that i have been missing.

all thanks to baby.

the flowers at floriade.

they were beautiful. but some dead cannot tahan hujan.

it was a long time since i felt like a little kid again.

no big decisions to make.

no burdens or must dos.

went there partly for my assignment but it was all good.

it was only me. chio. my cameras. and flowers.

beautiful is the only word to describe.

typing this is making me smile too:)

what a retard i noe...

movie review. again.

humming.

it's a korean movie.

i cried like fuck.

here's the story.

guy and girl had this long term relationship.

boy got tired. but girl was still as loving as ever.

boy wanted to stay away from girl.

not until she got into a serious accident.

boy realised he cannot live without her.

realised how much she meant.

so so sad :(:(

Definitely, Maybe.

an american one.

by ryan reynolds.

awesomeness.

it's a single father who has raised this little girl.

and was in the midst of a divorce.

little girl started to question about his love life before marriage.

she described it in a way where he changes the names of his lovers and the little girl is to guess who is the one the daddy's really in loved with.

very nice:)

rainy day's here again.

rain rain go away.

dont come again until at least wednesday?

:)

baby and i.

so much that i want to still be with him.

i just feel like ending things.

maybe i'm just thinking too much.

or maybe cause my expectations are just too high off bar.

if it's not for the love i would have left.

have i turned demanding?

in times like this i really dont know who to turn to anymore.

i dont want my friends to listen.

it's the same old thing.

i'm a big girl now.

and i should know what to do.

one minute he drugs me with ecstasy..

another minute he'd let me down so deep underground.

am i just being too selfish?

i cant continue feeling ups and downs, hiccups here and there.

why be with someone when you're forcing things.

lucky there is still hope.

it's all because...

i love you.

i wont give up, probably stay.

but please. please.

i want a sunny day.

not a rainy day.