so home....

my parents left for melbourne this morning :(

almost teared when i took the taxi back to white chick's place.

times with my parents were awesome.

and it got me time to think about my relationship too.

i just realised i cannot really live without shio.

well just as much as i enjoy being with my parents..

i was crazily thinking bout my baby..ALL THE TIME!

and i really think that i should start acting like a lady and be a very good girlfriend.

we're going for the floriade festival in canberra on friday.

triple :):):)

everything is just too clear now.

i know it is a bit weird.

but whatever my sister's friend said, she had all the answers circled.

10/10.

she said:

1. you have many friends. but you have problem trusting. you you'd rather have one or two to keep.

2. you have a boyfriend. he's given you a ring. but you choose not to get married. cause you dont think it's the right one?

3. shopping is your companion. money is the source. spend drift!

4. people just fall for you because of your eyes. your eyes speaks.

5. some secrets of yours are to be buried. away from your boyfriend especially. it was a bad past and you don't wish to turn back. fear he might not accept.

6. why worry in the future when more money would flow in.

7. you have good intentions in you. shouldn't you just loosen up abit?

8. your parents love you. and they're the best you can ever have.

my sister's friend could tell me all this just by looking at my features and my drawing.

a few days ago i was just blogging about how i felt about the boyfren.

i am abit scared now.

i am not ready for a lot of things.

and beginning to doubt if i should still continue.

i cannot live without him. just yet.

but something just feels so wrong.

perfect but not yet.

but he is a god damn refined man.

i mean which boyfriend would do laundry for you.

which boyfriend would cook for you.

and..and..clean your messy room.

and dry your hair for you.

and pays everything for you.

and wash the dishes.

they were all my duties but i just couldn't be bothered.

i want to be the princess.

and no guy should treat me lower.

and after thinking, it's not him who is the problem.

it is..me.

and yet i still find reasons to pick up a fight.

it makes him tired. and i am too.

he even told me:

' my ambition is not to become a househusband'

in times like this, i just feel like i don't have anyone to turn to.

it's really the obvious that it's my own bloody problem.

maybe i'm just to egoistic.

or a stuck up...

or too demanding..

sigh...

what should i do?

my first ray ban:)

every album must be associated with max's. i am coco addict.

she looks so cute here ;)



what a retard.


tourists take picture like this.

internet is now back on high speed.

haven't had the time to blog too cause little sis was here.

i feel so much better now.

having a real gf with me after so long feels so nice :)

we went shopping. like shit i tell you.

we spent money literally like water.

we ate our hearts out. well sort of.

and life felt so great again.

i cant wait for round no.2 this friday!

mummy and daddy will be here!

meantime.

assignments has to be done. which unfortunately with my skipping to joy attitude,

i really do not have the mood for books.

will get my hair dyed pitch black.

hair colour is super lala now.

will leave photographs of my sister's visit in the next post.

maybe. just maybe.

i really wonder.

and just maybe?

i'm faking a life that may seem perfect?

i look cool, but i may be a nerd by heart?

people think i am pretty, or is it cause of the layers of make up i slap on my face?

i may be a smoker, is it cause i cannot beat them i must join them?

i look like the most happening person, or am i just someone who prefers home by nature?

i have many friends, do i really need so many? or do i really call them friends?

i think i love my boy fren alot, or is it cause i am obliged to?

i just feel. just maybe.

sometimes i'm just trying too hard to satisfy myself.

or maybe it's just a way to push myself to perfection.

but do i feel happy by the end of the day?

honestly...

i really have no idea. and i really dont think so. i really need a break.

the city makes me feel boxed. they're really suffocating me metaphoricly.

boy fren has to go too. i really want my time alone.

oh well....

i am just so relieved that someone tomorrow will make me feel so at home.

my sister is coming to town :)

a tad disappointed.

i got only a credit for photography task 1.

which is a bad thing of course.

my passion for photography is so deep that i'll kill myself if things aren't just perfect.

okay. maybe too exaggerated.

but come on. almost everyone in class had credits.

even the ones i thought were shit.

i should just probably stop complaining and get into taking it as a motivation.

a drive to improve?

haha.

good news.

i won my bid in bay.

for some sailor jacket.

yippee!

movie review's in right now..

1. if only.
it was by accident i found this movie.

was looking through the comedy genre when i found this.

it turned out the other way round.

i cried my eyeballs out for this movie.

a love story with a drop of twisted ending.

2. little mermaid.
ooo..i love the story.

maybe i am still a girl who loves fairytale.

i really want to name my little girl ariel too:)

just some random thinking.

just when i thought that i have been maturing bit by bit....

now i think i am maturing backwards.

i am like a little kid again.

courtesy of via alley

and i landed in the land photography once again.

i was going through some random websites and i found cameras by powershovel.

the creator of a Japanese company and i am bloody tempted to get one myself.

daily routine.

tomorrow's photoshoot with the hot katherine would be on daily routine.

they'd be outdoor and indoor scenes.

hope this turns out right.

*fingers crossed*

fickle. fickle. fickle.

should i still stay in the aussie land?

or..

go back to my beloved country?

there is only one answer.

so difficult to decide.

wished i was still 5 years old.

mom and dad would have decided for me.

decisions these days are harder to make:(

another photography assignment is here again.

i dont have that much of a time just to do photography alone.

this subject really stresses out every vain in me.

dont misunderstand. i really do love photography.

but it's just not as easy as i thought.

if i'd only had one subject this sem, things would have been much easier.

and looking for the correct model to fit is brain twisting sometimes.

sigh.sigh.sigh.

my photography session with foony went well enough.

washed the film right.

and yes there appeared to be bracketing on the film strips.

one assignment done. tonnes to go:(

girl weeping and went back home.

boy wanted her to stay but she resisted.

girl.
whatever i do is wrong.
you had a bad morning. i had mine too.
just imagine sitting in the freaking photo lab just to get your films washed and it never did turn out right.
and i dont deserve to be in a bad mood as well?
i just needed a hug.
i came back jumping on the bed to spread my arms around you.
you rejected.
i'm a girl.
i have feelings too.

boy.
sigh.
you should have told me earlier.
i'm sorry.
we'll have lunch and we'll take the photos tomorrow.

girl.
i dont need you as my model.
i dont need you lunch with me.
i just want you to be supportive.
you are never.
i love photography as much as you love football.
i've learn more about footie more than i used to.

boy.
whatever. fine.
i did go take photos with you and you think i'm not supportive?
what should i do.
i dont wanna argue.
i am so willing to be your model.
and you're declining?

girl.
sorry if i sounded too harsh.
you're making me sad today.
i dont have to tell you all this.
you should know how many times my pictures never turned out.

i've already asked someone else today.
like what i've said. sorry if i may sound harsh.
i cant really think straight right now cause i'm fucking pissed.
i really needed you today.
as simple an just comforting me.

boy.
the problem is you share alot of things with your friends and not to me.
you do your thing when you're home i dont even complain.
when i talk to you, you just answer for the sake of doing so.
we dont really talk and and i am not even sure whether to talk to you when you're busy.
sigh.
i'm sorry for making you pissed.

girl.
i dont have that much problems.
whatever you noe is probably more than what they do.
and what are you talking about.
i admit i may be ignorant at times but you are as well right?
so why complain?
it's a give and take situation here.
you said i simply answer you.
what about when you're stoning?

boy.
i've wanted to tell you this a long time ago.
but i'd never want to see you upset.
i prefer us staying at our own homes.
we need our own time alone.
not that i dont enjoy stying with you but i think we'd appreciate each other more.
i was afraid that you might think this as a negative.

i miss you very much when you're not here with me.
the problem now is we dont really have the missing feeling cause we noe we'd see each other in a couple of hours even when we're out by ourselves.
it's probably the reason why we quarrel often.

girl.
i did think of it too.
but i cannot bear the feeling of you noe beside me.
maybe you just dont feel as strong.
but i really do feel lonely when i get back home.
if you say so i'd be fine.
i dont want to rely too much on you too.

boy.
i miss you alot too like right now.
and that's when we're think of the positive sides more than the negatives.

i hope you dont think otherwise when i say i prefer you to stay back home.
i miss you. i really do.

girl.
i've been doing much thinking too.
sydney has been one of the best times for us.
i have fear that things will fail when we get back for good.
i wont see you for weeks, probably months.
kl might not be my base to work.
and knowing you, how you treated your ex; i'm afraid round no.2 will strike.
i've always wanted to tell you this.
we might not have such an opportunity once we get back home for good.

we dont argue all the time.
i just wish you not to be ridiculous at times.
it hurts when you sometimes find me irritating when i'm not even doing anything.
i'm afraid. very afraid.
things would be so different next time.
to tell you honestly i doubt things would turn for the better.
it's not that i am pessimistic.
but i've got plans to work outside malaysia.
from the way i see us handling a relationship just as near as kl to pg;i never like it.
i missed you like crazy you know.

boy.
i'm tearing already when you said that.
i thought of all this too but i'm sure we'll meet up and stuff baby.
dont be afraid.
if we're meant then we are.
we cannot guarantee the future for now.
you just need to know that i love you alot right now.

girl.
i'm just tired of the breaking up cycle.
i've had enough of all this.
you noe i've always had the worst.
i just want to see you and appreciate you everyday.
it's gonna be hard next time.
trust me.
and even if we're meant to be it's just not as easy.
i have a feeling that one of us will back out.
i'm just sick of feeling inlove

boy.
so sorry for treating you that way.
i was so afraid to tell you what i thought.
i was scared you'd be angry and start thinking negative.
and you see. you didn't even tell me bout your plans to work out of malaysia.
and i oso noticed you talk to my friends more passionately about yout hobbies than to me.

girl.
cant you see me changing.
i'm starting to hang out with girls again.

i appreciate that and i'm glad we opened up.
you should know i am not as good in talking.
probably that is why we argue alot.
trust me that i am not faking it or anything.
deep down you know that i love you alot right.

maybe it's my character.
my shallow knowledge on things that i dont care.
or maybe i get jealous when my gf talks passionately to others.
i'm not blaming you for that.
i know i can be quite ignorant.
maybe cause i just am.

girl.
it's cause you dont seemed interested.
i tell sean stuff and he'd help or at least give me something logical.
i dont mean to make you feel this way.
i am sorry too.
i am very scared of alot of things that might come in the future.
am not at all excited on this new journey.
we never have had a serious conversation for a while now.
and you have never been very responsive anyway.
and must i even tell you that i always praise you infront of my friends?

never say you're shallow cause you're not.
you're just ignorant and you choose to be.
everyone is ignorant by nature.
so all i am asking from you is to be less ignorant and be more sensitive.
and for that i love you.

boy.
appreciate that baby.
i just washed my eyes and it's getting watery again.
who's fault is it? haha.
you get some sleep before you get another moody day tomorrow.
goodnight baby.

girl.
i am crying like shit too.
eyes worst that hamburger.
thank you for opening up too.
sorry if i shout alot at times.
unintentional really.
i feel very small and the only way people can hear me is by raising my voice.
and i know my ego is too big for a girl sometimes.
sorry for that love.

missing times.

i am supposed to be asleep now.

i have a date at 11am with the photo lab to get my films washed.

my mind will not rest thinking of my friends back in malaysia.

i really miss them dearly.

life has only a forward button.

those yesteryears high times will only be kept in the memory compartment.

i have changed much in these years.

even my appearance has.

from the girl who always look young to a grown lady who is now going through some pre wrinkle crisis.

yes i am only 22 and i already have wrinkles here and there.

my skin used to be clear. well in my term of acceptable to pimples popping and they have their seasonal periods.

i have learn to adapt. my group of friends have changed much during my two year stay in australia.

i haven't seen shannel for a long time.

we've drifted along the way but part of me thinks that i should still give it a go to our friendship. again.

some people might dislike you but i believe that you have changed for the better.

they're talking about you because of their resistence to change what they have preceived earlier.

i am ready now for our lunch date.

and i love you too. it's good to hear from you. really.

i haven't seen liz for a long time too.

i feel bad for not meeting up when i was around malaysia.

blame my ignorance.

so much has changed and i know i have so much to catch up.

i wished i can press a rewind button to relive our happy moments.

i really hope to see you more often when i get back.

i know you'd be busy working your arse off and time playing an important factor would mean less time meeting up.

but i really hope our high times will be revived when i get back.

love you always.

thank you for the happy moments.

it was one of the best times.

i always playback at the back of my head. wished we were back then.

so pretty they make me feel ugly.

foony and i attended the rosemount festival.

we decided to go for the lingerie one.

not as good as victoria S but good enough.

pictures appeared blur because i shoud have put on the normal mode rather than the bulk mode.

am still waiting to take the pictures fro foony:)

kelly's now back in kl and i really miss her.

i had a really good time with her.

catching up with new stories. talking about the good times of the past. and how we are enjoying every moment in the present.

love you too girl.

i wished you had more time here.

moving on to my next story...

i have only two subjects. plus 1 more my jap.

sad to say but i have returned back to my old shell. the care less is better attitude.

i love photography. i really do. but the effort i put in for the shoot was just for the sake of having pictures taken.

for julie. she really gave her heart.

i took oni 15 minutes to finish and she took an hour.

and i've already skipped two weeks of jap class. this is no good.

i dont think my subjects are too difficult.

it's probably my ignorance and lack of drive to be the best.

it's already 5 and i'm still awake.

i dont like waking up with a few hours of sleep.

what is it with me?

sleep little girl.

really hope that i can make it for the rosemount sydney fashion.

frankie mag rocks my socks :)

miss cheah dont know how to load film correctly.

thus my an hour an the half to develop my film turned out black!

shit. shit. shit.

haha. hopefully kenny's free for the 2nd shot.

today.

shopping will always make me happy.

it's cause i dont feel the pain in my pocket.

my victoria secret package is finally here.

according to the housemate there's like only one piece in the back.

but i ordere a bikini bottom and a top!

anyway.

talking about my new second hand manual slr.

it's not working man.

i didn't know how to check it in the first place and only got to when i found out later.

it's shit i know.

i have to get the pictures taken by wednesday.

am praying hard tomorrow will be a sunny nice day.

please dont rain. give me sunshine.

you can rain after i'm done with the shoot.

please.