daily routine.

tomorrow's photoshoot with the hot katherine would be on daily routine.

they'd be outdoor and indoor scenes.

hope this turns out right.

*fingers crossed*

fickle. fickle. fickle.

should i still stay in the aussie land?

or..

go back to my beloved country?

there is only one answer.

so difficult to decide.

wished i was still 5 years old.

mom and dad would have decided for me.

decisions these days are harder to make:(

another photography assignment is here again.

i dont have that much of a time just to do photography alone.

this subject really stresses out every vain in me.

dont misunderstand. i really do love photography.

but it's just not as easy as i thought.

if i'd only had one subject this sem, things would have been much easier.

and looking for the correct model to fit is brain twisting sometimes.

sigh.sigh.sigh.

my photography session with foony went well enough.

washed the film right.

and yes there appeared to be bracketing on the film strips.

one assignment done. tonnes to go:(

girl weeping and went back home.

boy wanted her to stay but she resisted.

girl.
whatever i do is wrong.
you had a bad morning. i had mine too.
just imagine sitting in the freaking photo lab just to get your films washed and it never did turn out right.
and i dont deserve to be in a bad mood as well?
i just needed a hug.
i came back jumping on the bed to spread my arms around you.
you rejected.
i'm a girl.
i have feelings too.

boy.
sigh.
you should have told me earlier.
i'm sorry.
we'll have lunch and we'll take the photos tomorrow.

girl.
i dont need you as my model.
i dont need you lunch with me.
i just want you to be supportive.
you are never.
i love photography as much as you love football.
i've learn more about footie more than i used to.

boy.
whatever. fine.
i did go take photos with you and you think i'm not supportive?
what should i do.
i dont wanna argue.
i am so willing to be your model.
and you're declining?

girl.
sorry if i sounded too harsh.
you're making me sad today.
i dont have to tell you all this.
you should know how many times my pictures never turned out.

i've already asked someone else today.
like what i've said. sorry if i may sound harsh.
i cant really think straight right now cause i'm fucking pissed.
i really needed you today.
as simple an just comforting me.

boy.
the problem is you share alot of things with your friends and not to me.
you do your thing when you're home i dont even complain.
when i talk to you, you just answer for the sake of doing so.
we dont really talk and and i am not even sure whether to talk to you when you're busy.
sigh.
i'm sorry for making you pissed.

girl.
i dont have that much problems.
whatever you noe is probably more than what they do.
and what are you talking about.
i admit i may be ignorant at times but you are as well right?
so why complain?
it's a give and take situation here.
you said i simply answer you.
what about when you're stoning?

boy.
i've wanted to tell you this a long time ago.
but i'd never want to see you upset.
i prefer us staying at our own homes.
we need our own time alone.
not that i dont enjoy stying with you but i think we'd appreciate each other more.
i was afraid that you might think this as a negative.

i miss you very much when you're not here with me.
the problem now is we dont really have the missing feeling cause we noe we'd see each other in a couple of hours even when we're out by ourselves.
it's probably the reason why we quarrel often.

girl.
i did think of it too.
but i cannot bear the feeling of you noe beside me.
maybe you just dont feel as strong.
but i really do feel lonely when i get back home.
if you say so i'd be fine.
i dont want to rely too much on you too.

boy.
i miss you alot too like right now.
and that's when we're think of the positive sides more than the negatives.

i hope you dont think otherwise when i say i prefer you to stay back home.
i miss you. i really do.

girl.
i've been doing much thinking too.
sydney has been one of the best times for us.
i have fear that things will fail when we get back for good.
i wont see you for weeks, probably months.
kl might not be my base to work.
and knowing you, how you treated your ex; i'm afraid round no.2 will strike.
i've always wanted to tell you this.
we might not have such an opportunity once we get back home for good.

we dont argue all the time.
i just wish you not to be ridiculous at times.
it hurts when you sometimes find me irritating when i'm not even doing anything.
i'm afraid. very afraid.
things would be so different next time.
to tell you honestly i doubt things would turn for the better.
it's not that i am pessimistic.
but i've got plans to work outside malaysia.
from the way i see us handling a relationship just as near as kl to pg;i never like it.
i missed you like crazy you know.

boy.
i'm tearing already when you said that.
i thought of all this too but i'm sure we'll meet up and stuff baby.
dont be afraid.
if we're meant then we are.
we cannot guarantee the future for now.
you just need to know that i love you alot right now.

girl.
i'm just tired of the breaking up cycle.
i've had enough of all this.
you noe i've always had the worst.
i just want to see you and appreciate you everyday.
it's gonna be hard next time.
trust me.
and even if we're meant to be it's just not as easy.
i have a feeling that one of us will back out.
i'm just sick of feeling inlove

boy.
so sorry for treating you that way.
i was so afraid to tell you what i thought.
i was scared you'd be angry and start thinking negative.
and you see. you didn't even tell me bout your plans to work out of malaysia.
and i oso noticed you talk to my friends more passionately about yout hobbies than to me.

girl.
cant you see me changing.
i'm starting to hang out with girls again.

i appreciate that and i'm glad we opened up.
you should know i am not as good in talking.
probably that is why we argue alot.
trust me that i am not faking it or anything.
deep down you know that i love you alot right.

maybe it's my character.
my shallow knowledge on things that i dont care.
or maybe i get jealous when my gf talks passionately to others.
i'm not blaming you for that.
i know i can be quite ignorant.
maybe cause i just am.

girl.
it's cause you dont seemed interested.
i tell sean stuff and he'd help or at least give me something logical.
i dont mean to make you feel this way.
i am sorry too.
i am very scared of alot of things that might come in the future.
am not at all excited on this new journey.
we never have had a serious conversation for a while now.
and you have never been very responsive anyway.
and must i even tell you that i always praise you infront of my friends?

never say you're shallow cause you're not.
you're just ignorant and you choose to be.
everyone is ignorant by nature.
so all i am asking from you is to be less ignorant and be more sensitive.
and for that i love you.

boy.
appreciate that baby.
i just washed my eyes and it's getting watery again.
who's fault is it? haha.
you get some sleep before you get another moody day tomorrow.
goodnight baby.

girl.
i am crying like shit too.
eyes worst that hamburger.
thank you for opening up too.
sorry if i shout alot at times.
unintentional really.
i feel very small and the only way people can hear me is by raising my voice.
and i know my ego is too big for a girl sometimes.
sorry for that love.

missing times.

i am supposed to be asleep now.

i have a date at 11am with the photo lab to get my films washed.

my mind will not rest thinking of my friends back in malaysia.

i really miss them dearly.

life has only a forward button.

those yesteryears high times will only be kept in the memory compartment.

i have changed much in these years.

even my appearance has.

from the girl who always look young to a grown lady who is now going through some pre wrinkle crisis.

yes i am only 22 and i already have wrinkles here and there.

my skin used to be clear. well in my term of acceptable to pimples popping and they have their seasonal periods.

i have learn to adapt. my group of friends have changed much during my two year stay in australia.

i haven't seen shannel for a long time.

we've drifted along the way but part of me thinks that i should still give it a go to our friendship. again.

some people might dislike you but i believe that you have changed for the better.

they're talking about you because of their resistence to change what they have preceived earlier.

i am ready now for our lunch date.

and i love you too. it's good to hear from you. really.

i haven't seen liz for a long time too.

i feel bad for not meeting up when i was around malaysia.

blame my ignorance.

so much has changed and i know i have so much to catch up.

i wished i can press a rewind button to relive our happy moments.

i really hope to see you more often when i get back.

i know you'd be busy working your arse off and time playing an important factor would mean less time meeting up.

but i really hope our high times will be revived when i get back.

love you always.

thank you for the happy moments.

it was one of the best times.

i always playback at the back of my head. wished we were back then.

so pretty they make me feel ugly.

foony and i attended the rosemount festival.

we decided to go for the lingerie one.

not as good as victoria S but good enough.

pictures appeared blur because i shoud have put on the normal mode rather than the bulk mode.

am still waiting to take the pictures fro foony:)

kelly's now back in kl and i really miss her.

i had a really good time with her.

catching up with new stories. talking about the good times of the past. and how we are enjoying every moment in the present.

love you too girl.

i wished you had more time here.

moving on to my next story...

i have only two subjects. plus 1 more my jap.

sad to say but i have returned back to my old shell. the care less is better attitude.

i love photography. i really do. but the effort i put in for the shoot was just for the sake of having pictures taken.

for julie. she really gave her heart.

i took oni 15 minutes to finish and she took an hour.

and i've already skipped two weeks of jap class. this is no good.

i dont think my subjects are too difficult.

it's probably my ignorance and lack of drive to be the best.

it's already 5 and i'm still awake.

i dont like waking up with a few hours of sleep.

what is it with me?

sleep little girl.

really hope that i can make it for the rosemount sydney fashion.

frankie mag rocks my socks :)

miss cheah dont know how to load film correctly.

thus my an hour an the half to develop my film turned out black!

shit. shit. shit.

haha. hopefully kenny's free for the 2nd shot.

today.

shopping will always make me happy.

it's cause i dont feel the pain in my pocket.

my victoria secret package is finally here.

according to the housemate there's like only one piece in the back.

but i ordere a bikini bottom and a top!

anyway.

talking about my new second hand manual slr.

it's not working man.

i didn't know how to check it in the first place and only got to when i found out later.

it's shit i know.

i have to get the pictures taken by wednesday.

am praying hard tomorrow will be a sunny nice day.

please dont rain. give me sunshine.

you can rain after i'm done with the shoot.

please.

on the 21st this month.

our signature.

this 21st would mark the 11th month we've been together.

lame. funny. smelly. too hot at times. gay sometimes.

small heart. big heart. short tempered. super super patient.

very bunny. ignorant.

he can be very contradicting. trust me.

he can be very understanding.

or he'd merajuk for hours. probably longer than us girls siu hei.

but it's these flaws or i would say his trait that makes him unique to me.

it's all this things that i overlook. i find it cute.

it's funny how love can take you so high.

it's just funny how love makes you so blind.

really not sure if we're end up down the aisle

but i am really happy at where i am standing now.

girl. just pin the map.

i know very well mom and daddy will ask me to travel after i graduate.

half a year break just to tour.

all expenses covered by them.

i feel bad. and why so?

1. i was supposed to graduate a year ago.

2. i'm 22 and still living comfortably under my parents' shelter.

3. i can be impulsive if i want to and thus would not stop at the second count of a minute just to think.

4. i choose to be shallow minded thinking money still grows on trees. and daddy is a rich man which is so not true. money spent at this rate i'm afraid reserve will run dry.

5. daddy. my daddy has endured not little and has gone through much of his whole life. it's time for him to kick back and let his elder daughter do the job. give him the best life.

6. i cannot imagine anyone at my age as lucky. there are money crisis from time to time but i know dad has a soft heart. he wouldn't even allow me to be left with 1000 in my bank.

and therefore the conclusion is i am a naive daughter.

i chose to be and still want to live life a bed of roses.

born that and i always wished life would have gone that way and not the hard way.

seeing much of the real world doesn't seem all appealing at all.

i am a tough girl but i have fears as well.

i am afraid i wont be able to live up to my current lifestyle. what i want i get.

there is no NOs from my parents but yes sometimes from mummy but eventually she'll just

close an eye.

we girls- jeannie jean, diane and julie had this conversation on our career path in the future.

i really want to make it big but not too big to overshadow my hubby.

just successful at the correct dot. but how? am i capable of?

i dont want to depend on people my dad know or i know to get one.

i never respected those who het easy ways in but that's really reality.

in malaysia is not what you know.

it's always who you know.

sad to say but working life works this way.

20 feet lucky.

in times when i get so pissed i can really sound like a bitch.

if k hong were to be just right beside me i would have punched him direct in the face.

which guy would actually use a girl's topshop bag?

'i replace for you with the coles bag lah'

what the hell?

hello! it's top shop and are you even gay? not that i have a any problem with gay friends but why did you even leave it in malaysia?

an item not yours dont take la.

you've ruin so many things.

shio's party. of all person it must be you to tell him.

then it must be you to take my bag.

and you have a mouth worse than a whore's.

being the CNN of sydney is something you shouldn't be proud of.

i have been very patient with you already and have given you much face.

but this time. this time is so different.

boiling point has reached its limit.

my first photography class was today.

how?

stress. the first assignment to be handed up next week.

but then again, it's my field of interest.

i shouldn't take it so hard. instead, embrace it.

yes i must do well :)

as lost as a sheep again in jap class.

pepper lunch for dinner was great.

jeannie and i had so much to talk there and i just got home.

haha.

our next planned activities?

slumber party.

the cheap market.

and more slumber parties!

it's been a long time since i spent such quality time with my girls back home.

boy i miss them.

a tart for love stories.

i can sometimes be the lamest of the lamest bitch on earth.

i not only watched 1 but in fact two chic flicks.

and both were awesome.

i called ed. i called the boyfren. the only two guys that i know of that would not mind watching such shows.

these movie producers should hire me as their promoter man :)

a date at the cinemas at 9 dot thirty to watch mamma mia.

awesomeness.

they sing. i sing.

the story?

once there was a young lady.

she slept with a few. got pregnant.

the lil' girl grew and was getting married.

read her mummy's diary and invited the three guys who were her possible dad for her wed reception.

the scene was lovely. setting was in some island in greece. so romantic!

i am so in love with the story.

it really got me hypnotized. mesmerized. umm.. whatever you call it.

but i really want my wedding this way.

i really want a vacation this way.

so perfect. EXCLAMATION MARK!

omg. i can be such a dreamer at times. well most of the time actually.

went home i had time to catch another movie with baby.

it's called love and other disaster.

i think ah yang borrowed it to me.

the story?

a girl living with a gay guy.

in the old city of london.

the whole movie scene was just great.

really reminds me of the days of audrey hepburn. i love her!

anyway..

the girl's always stripping in front of him, which is fine cause his gay.

interesting piece. i really want a gay friend now ;)

what a nice way to end my night.

i am now on the hunt for such movies.

love affair with an 18 year old.

mr. and mrs. cheah had me in mid 1986.

all i knew is that i was their one and only daughter.

rather pampered and spoilt.

always getting over-the-top attention from everyone.

then the year 1990 came.

time to celebrate the birth of my lil' sister.

her name is suting.

i've always loved dolls. my sister was one too :)

always playing with her. and playing with her. and playing with her.

as we grew. i often get annoyed.

we fight like there's no tomorrow.

i always bully her *oopsy*

and she'll always end up biting me.

years of fighting to be the favourite one finally ended.

finally came to terms and that was it. our relationship just bloomed. boomed. till today.

love you..

thank you for always fetching water for me.

to be a shoulder to cry on.

to see me naked in the room. all the time. lol. *i noe it's an eyesore for you*

to allow me to jump on your bed just to tick you off.

you're so cute and you know i'll always be there for you.

love. love.

a big kiss..mmmmmuuuaaahhhh.

delay-ed no.6

location: sydney aquarium, darling harbour.

i have like 200 over pictures but am just too lazy to update more than 20.

so here it is.







jess's fingers.

delay-ed no.5

mui theng's chi mui michelle came from canberra to sydney.

was good to club again after a long break.